Consensual Lifestyles Association
of South Australia

Basic BDSM Workshop

Safety in BDSM


by Amanda
Safe Calls and Safe Words when used properly in BDSM are vital in protecting you from permanent harm and in some cases, death.
We all have the right to protect ourselves from permanent harm, this is a Human Right, it is not Topping From the Bottom.

After much deliberation, you as an individual have decided to venture into the world of BDSM and start searching for a possible partner.
What do you need to do in order to keep yourself safe?
What are the best ways to ensure that your safety and wellbeing are not ignored?

Safety Networks

 As soon as you have made the decision to venture into the BDSM Lifestyle in whatever aspect, You as a sane adult owe it to yourself to be building up a Safety Network.

First enlist the help of a couple of trusted KNOWN people within your local BDSM community to act as your 'Safety', if unsure of who to call on, join local mailing lists and ask List moderators for advice. Don't be afraid to ask for assistance, we were all new once and most people are only too happy to help out when needed.

It is very important to have more than one person acting as Safety for you; you must take into account what if your Safety has their own emergency. Plan ahead, be prepared for every event.
Your Safety should be prepared to attend meetings with potential partners with you, not a hard task most meetings take place in coffee shops, I can think of worse ways to spend my time other than drinking good coffee, and eating cake, and then act as phone back up when you are ready to play.

Do Not agree to meet anyone alone 'til you feel safe, even if the smallest warning bell rings in your head, LISTEN to it, it could save your life.

Get details

 Ask the person you are meeting for personal details, i.e.; full name not just a nickname or internet identity, drivers licence number, car registration and details of vehicle, home phone number and work number, and check they do work where they say they do. Don't just settle for a mobile phone number that tells you nothing about where they live. Home Address is a must, and most importantly people who can vouch (personal referees) for this person.
A reputable person will not mind providing this information, it is only when people have something to hide do they become touchy about providing details.

As well as any contacts your potential partner may give you ask your local people if they know the person in question, disregard any personal dislikes, go with opinions on safety. Just because I dislike someone on a personal level you may think they are wonderful. The question here is safety not personal likes and dislikes.

Meeting someone

 If you do feel comfortable meeting alone, DO SO IN A PUBLIC PLACE, don't accept a ride home just because coffee went well.
I would also go so far to suggest if you are travelling by public transport for a coffee meeting with any potential Play partners, once the meeting is over do some shopping spend another hour or so in the shopping complex. Give the person you are meeting plenty of time to have left. This may sound paranoid but you do not wish to be followed home.
I would also suggest you ring your contact to say the meeting is over etc but you are still out and will ring again when you return home. If restricted to using public transport, I would also advise against meetings at night unless you are prepared to pay for cab home, you do not want to be left standing late at night at dark bus stops or train stations.

There is no magic number on how many meetings should take place before you are comfortable with playing, the key here is your comfort.
Do you feel safe, do you have any uneasy feelings concerning this person? Have all your questions been answered honestly and concisely, without reservation?

Safecalls in play

 You have decided that yes you are happy to take the next step and play.
Safe calls are still vital, as is common sense.

Have the terms of early play worked out well in advance, you may be taking the role of submissive but that does not mean you do not have a right to make certain demands regarding how play should proceed.
Work out where you are going to play, do you feel safe having this person knowing where you live? If you do not perhaps you should question even playing.

Do Not allow yourself to be gagged in early sessions, remember your new partner is just that NEW. They have no idea on how your body reacts to pain stitmuli or what your tolerances are.

Have a number of safe calls set up to occur during the course of your play time, Don't rely on just one call, things can change rapidly. Have your contact call you, a code system works well. For example to say things are fine means just that. To say pick up my red dress from the cleaners, could mean get me some help here things are not right.