Consensual Lifestyles Association
of South Australia
Basic BDSM Workshop

'Playing'
Starting play	Take it slow and build up to longer/heavier sessions, don't try to do and experience everything at once. Start with short periods, such as 20 mins and remember it is just as hard for the one running the scene as the one having everything 'done' to them. It can be hard thinking of new things to do and keeping things flowing smoothly so have patience and give feedback whichever side of the equation you are on. Don't outlay huge amounts of money over something you may not even be sure about. There are plenty of items in most homes or that are easy and cheap to aguire for beginning players, and some forms of play need no equipment just careful thought and planning. For example: Bondage - Scarves, dressing gown cords, etc can be used to tie hands and feet together or to bed legs, or some other piece of furniture like a kitchen table. Scarves and so on can also be used as blindfolds to heighten senses and take play to a deeper level Discipline - Can be done with no props, as can D/s, the main thing needed in this area is the mind. S&M - This form of play can be done by scratching, biting, smacking, pinching, all of which we can do with just our own bodies and no equipment
Safety	As you each grow more confident, extend your times or add new 'toys'/props/themes/ideas into play. But remember to test things first, and do things safely. For example: - Make sure you both know and understand what your safe words or safe signals are and use them when needed. - Have scissors handy if you need to get someone out of bondage fast eg there's a fire, asthma attack/panic attack, rope is worth nothing compared to a life. - Learn how to use something before introducing it into play eg candles for wax play - coloured candles are hotter, as are scented candles. How high do you hold candles above a person?. What difference is there in using it on various body parts?. How much more or less sensitive to such things is the other person compared to you?. Have ice and/or cold water handy and be aware wax can burn. - Remember everyone's pain tolerances and fears are different to others, especially your own. - It is good to know basic first aid so that small problems can be dealt with speedily before they can become big ones.
Possible side effects of play	Playing with someone can at times cause seemingly odd or unexpected reactions to things. A person may start crying, shaking, suffer anxiety, feel guilty or bad. This is not necessarily a problem but does need to be looked at for the cause of the reaction and dealt with in an appropriate manner. Sometimes a person will cry simply with relief and release (this is a common reaction), when finally doing the thing they have always dreamed about doing. Phobias and triggers often related to past memories or experiences such as past abuse can raise fears and unexpected reactions, because the person themselves may have tried to bury that past and essentially forgotten about it until play 'tapped back' in to it. Sub drop/Dom drop is a common reaction to occur after play especially if the session was very intense or those involved must part company soon after. Many indicate this is mainly caused by 'coming down' from the adrenalin rush of play and can involve many negative feelings about both the play and the person played with. This can also be caused by aspects of play being taken out of 'scene' such as when doing humiliation play where words said in scene are taken to heart out of scene. Aftercare and communicating is important when dealing with drop. Mistakes in play are ok, as long as they are noted and dealt with, so that they can be learned from and avoided in the future. Mistakes will happen and are best talked about so that all involved in play can learn to trust one another by knowing any situation arising will not just be ignored.
After care	Often after play people just wish to be hugged/cuddled/stroked. This is good to do as it is reaffirming that despite pain or humiliation inflicted, all players still 'care'/love/etc each other. Making sure a partner arrives home safely or knows how to care for any 'wounds' (bruises, etc) is also after care, as is making sure their needs for fluids and food (often sugar for the energy drain) are and were met. It is not always good to talk about a scene straight after it has finished as often those involved are still 'floating' for a while, but it is good to talk about at a later stage to make sure all felt things went well. All forms of play can be dangerous if done in a careless way. It is best not to rely on how one particular person does or says to do something, they may seem to know all the answers, but no one ever does. They may never have had a problem doing something in a particular way because they have always had 'ideal' conditions. They may never have had a faulty toy, or played with someone with certain medical conditions, or they may in fact have never actually done that kind of 'play'. Bdsm should be enjoyable for all concerned, if it isn't rethink what and how you are doing things. There is no shame in seeking help or further information on something, and it is much better to do that than make a grave error that you could have avoided, if simple pride or ego was all that got in the way.